It's (ALMOST) the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

CHRISTMAS SEASON 2017 IS ALMOST UPON US!

On October 27, The Hallmark Channel begins its Countdown to Christmas! So this blog will be thawed out and start publishing again.

To get started I will review some basics:

Christmas Movie Basics

If you are new to TV Christmas Movies, there are few things you should know. First of all, these movies are more "Sharknado" than "Jaws", the acting can be pretty wooden, the characters can be two dimensional, and the plots can be a little fluffy. However, they are always a good romp, always worth a laugh or two (even if you are laughing at the movie not with it), and they always have more Christmas Spirit than one of Santa's helpers hopped up on sugar cookies. 

There are 6 basic Christmas Movie plots

1) Plagiarizing Dickens - this type of movie steals all or part of Charles Dickens' Classic, "A Christmas Carol". It is a story of a miserable lonely person who hates (or ignores) Christmas. Through some supernatural visitation they see that the Christmas Spirit exists and by the time the credits role they are helping Tiny Tim walk again. - "God Bless Us, Everyone!"

2) It's a Wonderful Copyright Infringement - About 20 minutes into this kind of Cheesy Christmas Movie, you will realize that this is a movie basically lifted from Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life". The protagonist has a crisis in their life and through some magic or heavenly miracle, they see what the world would be like without them. - Every time you hear a bell ring, someone steals a movie plot.

3) Christmas Heals a Broken Heart. This movie plot is so easy to do that several mainstream movies like "Love Actually" have used it to great financial success. This type of movie has a protagonist (or several) who is lonely/getting over a past love/widowed/abandoned/orphaned and the magic of Christmas brings them together with the person they need (lover, parent, pet dog, etc.) usually on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning.

4) Christmas Competition- The background for this Christmas Movie is some kind of competition: Tree decorating, House decorating, Christmas Singing, Christmas Pageant, Cookie Backing, etc. The competition usually becomes so important to everyone that they lose sight of the real meaning of Christmas (until the end when everyone smiles and sings Silent Night and realizes that Christmas is about Love"0.

5) Christmas Saves the Town (or store, or library, or school, or assisted living facility or amusement park or toy company). Once upon a time in America there was a town or some other time honored institution that brought happiness and joy to the world. As less and less people know the "real" meaning of Christmas, the institution has faded a bit. Some rich evil Marty McHumbug decides to buy the land the institution is on and turn it into something awful like a strip club or a car dealership. The town (that has seemingly ignored this institution for many years) comes together to save it and put an end to the evil developers plans. 

6) Santa is REAL! This plot line actually works best with one of the other movie plots, using the REAL Santa as the magic in any of the above plots. But it also can be a stand alone movie. The title says it all - Santa is real and in the modern world - AMAZING!

Lifetime, Hallmark, and ABC Family (the major dealers for us Christmas Movie Addicts) take elements of these plots and mix and match them into a nearly endless quilt of possibilities.

RAPID FIRE MOVIE REVIEWS! Christmas 2016

Since Thanksgiving Week I have watched a ton of Hallmark Movies so I thought I would try to get them all down in one review:

Broadcasting Christmas – Superman and Sabrina the Teen Age Witch host Good Morning American and Fall in love – I cried at the end it was sweet and funny. Loved it! Much better than Cats, I’ll see it again and again.

Christmas List - Alicia Witt and her annoying laugh go to a cute little town and finds the Christmas Spirt and Love. No tears, but a little warmth in my soul at the end. She is my least favorite Hallmark actress and this movie isn't my favorite either.

A Journey Back to Christmas (Back to the Future Christmas) – Candace Cameron Burr plays a nurse who goes forward in the future from 1945 to 2016 and brings Christmas Spirit and old time family fun to our jaded world. I cried several times. CCB is the queen of Hallmark. This one will make you cry.

Christmas in Homestead – Hollywood goes to a small town to film a Hallmark movie (it is VERY meta). The actress falls in love with the local mayor and he melts her jaded heart – a couple of sniffles at the cute kid. Watch it if you need a short burst of Christmas. 

A Dream of Christmas – This was yet another rip off of the “The Family Man” (Nicholas Cage). It was very sweet and very romantic. Well worth the watch.

Christmas 2016 Movie Review #2 - Every Christmas Has A Story

Did you ever wonder where small towns get their giant Christmas Trees? Ever wonder how a TV reporter would fix her reputation after a gigantic on-air meltdown? Ever wonder what happened to Tommy Bradford after he left Eight is Enough? All that and more will be revealed on this week's Hallmark movie - Every Christmas Has a Story.

This is a basic run of the mill "Christmas Heals a Broken Heart" Plot. Kate Harper (played by Hallmark favorite Lori Loughlin) is a big name TV Host from L.A. On the day before Christmas vacation she knocks over a Christmas tree, pushes a guest and breaks most of the ornament collection of someone who I think was named "Dr. Billy". All of this happened on-air including Kate saying she doesn't like Christmas. 

Well this of course causes a crisis and in the end Kate and her former boyfriend (of course) and now producer (also of course) Jack Brewster are sent to Hollyvale, N.D. to do a nightly report on Christmas. 

I won't give away any more plot except to say, there is mystery, family reunion, romance, and a town sheriff in North Dakota that seemed to have a New Orleans accent. I will also tell you that Willie Aames plays a huge role in the mystery plot!.

This was a pretty lighthearted romp down candy cane lane, but I did get a little teary at the end. Well worth my two hours of time.

There were also a lot of familiar faces in bit parts in this film. I am starting to be convinced that all of the regular Hallmark Movie Stars live in one town in Canada that's like a theater camp and they get called in every day to do different parts. I think Lori Loughlin and Candace Cameron Bure are both in Cabin 8. (The cool girl cabin).

CRY TIME: 118 MINUTES

If I was still doing ratings, I would give this movie three Willie Aames:

Christmas 2016 Movie Review #1 - The Mistletoe Promise

Well Boys and Girls, I hope you were all good this year, Christmas time is approaching quickly so it is time to start watching Christmas Movies!! 

Hallmark started extra early this year with their Countdown to Christmas starting on October 28 and running through December. This is the first movie I am reviewing this year, so buckle into the sleigh, here we go.

Let's kick off this year with a romantic whirl called "The Mistletoe Promise". The movie stars Luke MacFarlane and Jamie King as Nick and Elise, two sad sacks who can't seem to get a break at Christmas. Elise works with her asshole ex-husband who apparently enjoys making her life miserable and Nick works for a law firm that only gives people with families partnerships. 

So what do these two Christmas hating people do? Enter into an agreement where by they pretend to be dating so that Nick can get his promotion and Elise won't feel like a loser to everyone she works with. Can you all see where this is going? Of course you can. 

This movie is sweet and sappy and pretty predictable; but like grandma's snickerdoodles fills you with warmth and happiness. 

I really enjoyed this movie and it brought the holiday tears about an hour in at the tree decorating scene. 

CRY TIME: 43 MINUTES

This year I am dispensing with the candy cane ratings mostly because I think all these movies are pretty wonderful. If something is really awful, like NORTHPOLE or NORTHPOLE 2 comes along, I will let you know. (Thank god there is no NORTHPOLE 3) 

Christmas Movie Review #11 - Becoming Santa

An early favorite for this year’s most awesome cheesy Christmas Movie is “Becoming Santa”. So in this wonderfully sweet little film, we have Holly Klaus a veterinarian with a secret. Her Boyfriend, Connor is a Christmas nut and wants to propose but being old-fashioned, he wants to asks Holly’s parents first. 

Here is where Holly’s secret comes into play. Her parents are 80’s sitcom stars Meredith Baxter and Michael Gross (Family Ties).  Actually, their real secret is that they are Santa and Mrs. Claus!!!!!
Well after a strange non-consensual drugging of Connor to get him to the north pole, Conner meets the Clauses. By the way Connor is a bit of a dim Christmas bulb and even with all the signs pointing to SANTA AND MRS. CLAUS, he doesn’t quite get it until about halfway through the movie.

A couple of things I learned in this movie:

Communication of Family Obligations is important.

I don’t think Holly Claus should drug her boyfriend.

Jack Frost is kind of an asshole.

Connor might be good looking but he is a moron.

I will say that this movie had the quickest sniffle time ever for me – 3 minutes.

CANDY CANES: 4

CRY TIME: 3 minutes

Christmas Movie Review #10 - Family for Christmas

Rarely do you see two levels of plagiarism in one movie, but Hallmark pulled it off this year. Back in 2000, Universal pictures released a great Christmas movie starring Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni called the Family Guy. It was a heart-warming film with some very funny moments. It was a modern spin on "It's a Wonderful Life".

This year, Hallmark basically made the same movie with Lacey Chalbert called "Family for Christmas". There was one scene, that I swear, used the same script! 

Lacey Chalbert plays the fast paced, hard headed, tv news reporter - Hannah Dunbar. Hannah left her college sweetheart and moved to San Francisco to pursue her dreams. 10 years later, she is successful and enjoying her career but something is missing. Any guesses what that is? Well Christmas is the time for magical wishes and Lacey gets hers. If you don't want to be spoiler, don't watch this movie or Family Man.

Sorry folks, not a lot of tears or candy canes on this one, as I spent most of the movie thinking, "My god how did Hallmark keep from getting sued on this one?"

Candy Canes: 1

Cry Time: Didn't cry on this one (well maybe a sniffle at the end)

Christmas Movie Review #9 - The Flight Before Christmas

Ok so I am a little behind on Movie Reviews. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been watching! So please fasten your seat belts and return your seats to the upright position, we are ready for take off.

So remember a month or so ago when I told you that Lifetime and Hallmark had dueling Christmas movies about flight delays? I reviewed Hallmark’s entry (A Christmas Detour) last time. Now I have Lifetime’s “The Flight Before Christmas” to tell you about. Spoiler - Lifetime’s was better!

In this Merry little romp we have Mayim Bialik (yes Blossom) as Stephanie Michelle Hunt and Ryan McPartlin (from Chuck) as Michael Nolan both live in L.A. but have ties to the East Coast.

After what is one of the most brutal dumpings to ever occur on TV, Stephanie’s boyfriend waits until she is all packed and ready to move into his apartment to tell her he is having second thoughts. (He is a tool). So not having anywhere to spend Christmas, she decides to head home to Connecticut (maybe Boston?) to celebrate Chritmas/Hanukkah with her half Christian / half Jewish family.

Michael Nolan on the other hand is flying to NY (or again maybe Boston?) to see his Long Distance Fiance (I don’t know her name my notes just say bitch).

Through a madcap series of events including Brian Doyle Murray as a Secret Santa and a surprise snow storm that shuts down all flights in the US, Stephanie and Michael end up spending time in a small town in Montana. If you guessed that they hated each other and then fall in love - you got it. There are the normal ups and downs but you know where this ends up - a dive bar on New Years Eve.

I liked this one a lot better than the Hallmark version, because there was some actual chemistry between to two leads.

Cry Time: 22 Minutes (the break up was rough)

3 Candy Canes