Christmas Movie Review #10 - Family for Christmas

Rarely do you see two levels of plagiarism in one movie, but Hallmark pulled it off this year. Back in 2000, Universal pictures released a great Christmas movie starring Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni called the Family Guy. It was a heart-warming film with some very funny moments. It was a modern spin on "It's a Wonderful Life".

This year, Hallmark basically made the same movie with Lacey Chalbert called "Family for Christmas". There was one scene, that I swear, used the same script! 

Lacey Chalbert plays the fast paced, hard headed, tv news reporter - Hannah Dunbar. Hannah left her college sweetheart and moved to San Francisco to pursue her dreams. 10 years later, she is successful and enjoying her career but something is missing. Any guesses what that is? Well Christmas is the time for magical wishes and Lacey gets hers. If you don't want to be spoiler, don't watch this movie or Family Man.

Sorry folks, not a lot of tears or candy canes on this one, as I spent most of the movie thinking, "My god how did Hallmark keep from getting sued on this one?"

Candy Canes: 1

Cry Time: Didn't cry on this one (well maybe a sniffle at the end)

Christmas Movie Review #6 Northpole: Open for Business (or Northpole 2 Electric Boogaloo)

So if you read this blog you will remember that I hated Northpole last year. It was awful; awful acting, awful plot, awful casting. Northpole 2 was slightly better. And by slightly, I mean one candy cane stripe better. The plot is a mix of “Santa is Real, Christmas Saves the Hotel, Christmas Heals a Broken Heart, and The Grinch that Plagiarized Christmas.” Lori Laughlin of Full House Fame (pretty much everyone that was on Full House ends up in Hallmark Christmas Movies) plays MacKenzie an appraiser for an auction house who inherits her aunt’s Inn in Vermont (I through for sure they would plagiarize it and call it the Pine Tree Inn from “White Christmas”, but they did not).  Mackenzie plans on selling it off as soon as possible, but goes to inspect the property…

What Mackenzie doesn’t know is that the Northern Lights Inn is actually a magical energy point for Santa Claus and without it, he won’t be able to deliver his gifts (I am unsure if he would abandon the whole trip or if just New England would get screwed). So he sends his most annoying elf – Clementine down to the Inn to give Mackenzie a jolt of Christmas Spirit and save the Inn and save her heart.

This movie has a lot going on. There is a romance sub plot, a kid needing a mom sub plot and some weird subtext about a septuagenarian elf married to a human who makes good biscuits. The whole thing was messy and shoved together. I am sure they will make a “Northpole 3 – Season of the Polar Bear” or some other nonsensical garbage.  I will of course watch it. I have to.

Cry Time: I did not cry except for my inability to turn this horrible film off.

Candy Canes : (I gave it one because it was slightly better than the first one)

MOVIE REVIEW #2 - A PRINCESS FOR CHRISTMAS

MOVIE REVIEW #2 - A Princess for Christmas

It is November 1st and The Hallmark Channel has started its Festival of Cheese - Countdown to Christmas.  I caught the last 10 minutes of Hitched for the Holidays and I will likely review it later in the season as it is wonderfully awful. I cannot say the same for today's movie "A Princess for Christmas". This movie is just bad. Not even funny bad or ironic bad - just bad.


Acting - Bad
Casting - Bad
Plot - Bad
Cinematography - Bad

However I will muddle through, in the spirit of making you all laugh at my misery. Ok this is a pretty basic "Christmas Heals a Broken Heart" plot. The story revolves around Jule's Daly. She becomes the caretaker to her sister's two children after the tragic death of her sister and brother in law. I envy them because they didn't have to watch this movie.

The brother in law was a member of what I can only assume is some inbred, hemophiliac,  long forgotten branch of European aristocracy. He was disowned when he married the american floozy that was Jules' sister.

Think that's a long way to go to get two american kids into a European Castle for Christmas? So do I. Let's throw in some other story elements that are needed:

1) Grumpy brokenhearted grandfather (played by  Sir Roger Moore who has not aged gracefully) who doesn't want to celebrate Christmas because he misses his dead son. Note: there is one scene where he looks like vampire. See if you can find it.

2) The younger brother of the dead guy, who is in an unhappy relationship with a snooty semi-European twit. (Guess where that one is going).

3) Two American kids (both very odd looking by the way) who are learning to love again after the death of their parents. The girl would be precocious and cute if she wasn't so 2 dimensional. The boy is apparently some kind of rebel but mostly pouts a lot.

The real star of this movie is the castle. They show it off a lot but even the castle isn't that thrilling. Some of the rooms look more like a train station in Topeka Kansas than the height of European luxury.

Any way the little girl defrosts the grandfather's heart and he decides to host a Christmas Ball. Jules falls in love with the younger brother guy. There is some misunderstanding (it is very very contrived) and Jules decides to leave early and let the kids stay for Christmas. Believe it or not the castle's staff haul Jules back to the castle in time for the Ball. She is announced and makes an entrance like Eliza Doolittle in Pygmalion.

Anyway you can figure out the plot from here.

If you haven't seen this one, skip it unless there are no other options for Holiday Hilarity.

CRY TIME - 0 minutes no tears were shed during this movie. (ok, might have had a sniffle at the very end...)

Candy Cane Rating  - 1 out of 5